Dislaimer: I don’t own anything resembling CSI or its characters.
Title: Better Days
Characters: Grissom, Sara
Song lyrics are from GooGoo Dolls’ “Better Days”.
A/N: Thanks to cybrokat and lasrevinu for their helpful beta work. You guys are great!
This is a look into Grissom's mindset after ToYD.
And you ask me what I want this year
And I want to make it kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days.
The darkened townhouse was familiar this morning, and he didn’t bother flipping on the lights as he came through the door. The shadows had been a constant since he moved to Vegas those many years ago. The difference was the dawn light, filtering through the curtains, and he wondered when the sun started to find its way into his interior. He shrugged as he slipped out of his shoes, laid his briefcase on the table and headed for the shower.
His after-work ritual to unwind from a shift was also familiar…shirt off…socks off…pants off…shower on…boxers off. As he waited for the shower to warm, he didn’t look in the mirror. Being naked wasn’t Grissom’s favorite role, and he definitely didn’t need to remind himself how middle-age had changed him. Lord knows he thought about it often enough, usually in contrast to her youthful physique. However, last night confirmed a shift in the axis of his world.
The hot shower felt relaxing as he stepped in, still contemplating the change he recognized from the familiar distance in their relationship. Change…another role he was uncomfortable in. Certainty had been the cornerstone of his personal façade ever since he could remember. He accepted the fact he was smart, making his career path easier to navigate. He excelled in his profession, and that gave him the ability to mask his personal limitations.
The initial thoughts of the previous shift’s events began to flow through his mind as the liquid heat streamed over his body. Questions examining the change in direction and intention of their relationship came unbidden as his mind replayed the evidence. Reaching for the soap and guiding the bar up his left arm, he felt her gaze in his memory. Underside of the arm and over…her eyes scanned up from the pages in front of her focusing…on his chest moving ever lower…with a purpose and a quiet smirk…then switching hands and direction up…meeting his eyes in a deliberate challenge of intimacy…sliding over to his right arm. The familiar ritual of cleansing became a catalyst for his mind to shift focus. In the past he was certain of his need for distance…from his emotions…from his desires…from his heart…from her. Yet, last night he felt closer to her than he thought possible. More importantly, he felt it as a conscience decision, not a place forced upon him by events. “I wanted to be there. I wanted to sit across the table from her and know she was with me in my mind. We both wanted it.” He quickly opened his eyes as a frown creased his lips, and the soap bar suddenly stilled. “How did she know that, too? Not only did she know I was with her, but she seemed to welcome it.”
Sara was the power of observation personified when it came to him, he reminded himself. And if this was going to work, he needed to put the fear of that realization behind him. He quickly his motions with the soap bar, sending the last of the lather down the drain. “Along with the doubts,” Grissom thought. His actions and reactions to Sara were deliberate and defined over the past few months. His constant attention to changing their dynamic was building the foundation. He welcomed it, as he welcomed the soothing warmth of the shower. He knew where they were going. More importantly, he was actually happy about it. That, too, was a change. He didn’t remember the last time he felt happy, especially about his relationship with Sara. “That was the past now, Gil,” he reminded himself. “Focus on the future.”
“Future…fantasy…private…Oh, God…,” he gasped at his own reaction to that image. His right hand drifted toward his throbbing erection almost of its own accord, while his mind redirected his movement to the shower’s temperature control. “Not today, buddy. We’re saving up for a big event.” He watched in satisfaction as the hot driving force quickly turned cool, returning to its resting pose. “Not to worry though. We won’t be waiting long.” Of that, he was certain.
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight’s the night the world begins again.